My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
