I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
