i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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