so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize