One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
