i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
