A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
