know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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