Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
