When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
