I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
