last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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