I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
