Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
NoShamevember. You game?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
