so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
