then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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