I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
