I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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