i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
