I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
