Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
