I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
