I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
