I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
