Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
