you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize