I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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