Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
