i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
