my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
