I got chris browned last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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