Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
