She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
