They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize