Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
