She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
