As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
