My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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