If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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