dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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