i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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