Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
