Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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