i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
