I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do herpes really smell.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
