My friends, they love my intelligence
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He passed out mid-signature
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
