bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
