smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize