I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
