I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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