what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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