I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
