oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
