So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
