new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
