i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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