Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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