I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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