I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
