The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
