theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
