Soap is not a condiment
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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