No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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