THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
