I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
