If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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