i jhust puked up my retainher.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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