My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
