I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize