But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm always down for nudity.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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