Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
