i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
